Hello Everyone and welcome back to Microcast Monday. Short bursts of inspiration and motivation to get you started on the right track for your week. Thank you so much for listening to the show. Because of YOU, we are Top Rated. Please give us a 5-Star Ra...
Hello Everyone and welcome back to Microcast Monday. Short bursts of inspiration and motivation to get you started on the right track for your week. Thank you so much for listening to the show. Because of YOU, we are Top Rated. Please give us a 5-Star Rating and Review on Apple Podcasts we sure would appreciate it.
A big THANK YOU to all the brave men and women, Yes that means YOU, who work in the Criminal Justice Field. Without you and your dedication we would not have this great country. Remember you are honored, cherished and loved. Keep up the great work.
We all go through difficult times in our lives. Whether it's personal or professional life problems happen. However, you can choose to wallow in your self pity or you can go forward. Because no matter how bad it might seem to you, it's never as bad as it seems and you WILL come through stronger and more resilient. I want to share with you some personal struggles I have been going through recently. What keeps me forging ahead? My Mindset.
It was the beginning of April 2021. I was traveling to Arizona to spend a long weekend with my extended family. Many of my aunts, uncles and cousins have migrated to Arizona over the years from Illinois, and I was looking forward to catching up and playing some golf.
As my wife drove me to The Denver International Airport we said little to each other as I was lost in thought. When we arrived at the terminal, we both embraced, kissed, and said we loved each other. As I walked away, I watched my wife wave and I waved back as I stepped into the terminal.
I didn’t realize that moment was going to be the last time we would embrace and tell each other we loved each other. If I would have known this, I would have held her longer and gotten back in her car.
When I landed in Phoenix my older sister and cousin were there to pick me up. As we drove towards Fountain Hills (Near Scottsdale), I caught them up with family news from my end and I let them know that my wife was doing fine, and she sent her love.
I had a great time in Arizona. I caught up with extended family, played golf and hung out at the pool. It was just what I needed.
The day before I was going to head back to Denver, my wife texted me and I asked if I could spend a couple more days in Arizona because she was enjoying the time alone and she needed time to think about things going forward, including our marriage. She also indicated the possibility of some marriage counseling going forward.
I was stunned.
I didn’t know where this was coming from. Sure, we had problems. What marriage doesn’t? My wife had to think about our marriage? We can get through anything and have, I thought to myself, but I didn’t believe we needed any counseling. Then it hit me. My wife wanted marriage counseling at the beginning of 2021. It was a very tough holiday season (2020) to say the least and our families had been through a lot. I refused marriage counseling because I was always the guy who pushed things way down, a skill I learned in the military and from a long career in law enforcement. And I never liked talking about family problems, marital problems, and MY problems out in the open with other people.
Talk about unhealthy.
Plus, there weren’t any signs our marriage was in serious trouble.
Uh huh…Sure there was. I just chose to ignore them most of the time. A lot of people are conditioned to ignore the personal, professional problems or both. It is the proverbial 800lb Gorilla in the room. We all hope it goes away on its own. Here is some advice – It never does. If anything, it gets bigger.
My wife and I talked a couple of times while I was still in Arizona, and I told her I would be open to marriage counseling. I learned some time ago that marriage is its own identity, and it can be likened to a small child. If you don’t nurture, teach, and feed the child, it won’t grow up to be happy and successful.
It was time for counseling.
When I returned from Denver, my wife and I had a long, tough, and emotional talk where it was decided our marriage was not going to survive, although I wanted to try to salvage our marriage.
If there is one thing a painful life event like divorce does is put life into perspective. I have good days and bad days, but the good are starting to outweigh the bad even though we are both navigating a difficult time. Currently, we both have attorney’s and are doing most of our communication between them. Hopefully, that can change down the road.
How do I deal with the stress of a painful divorce and other life stressors?
When I wake up in the morning, I do my best to keep the stress and anxiety at bay and I succeed most of the time.
I am grateful. I do not get out of the bed until I feel the gratitude through my body. It took some time and practice to get to this point, but now it’s second nature.
This simple act will change your life.
Now I am not grateful that my marriage is ending, but I am grateful for the years I had with my wife and her family. I am grateful that I am alive. I am grateful that I have another day to learn from past mistakes. I am grateful for every positive and uplifting person in my life. I am grateful for my family and my children. I am grateful for all the other successes in my life. I am also grateful for the failures in my life, because without them I would not be where I am today, and I wouldn’t be able to continue to grow and learn.
I am also grateful that I get several more bites at the apple. The apple of life. I also remind myself of the following:
“Things happen for me, not to me.”
I have learned a lot over the years and one of the biggest lessons is that my past does not define me. I think most people are stuck in their past and define themselves by their failures. I used to fall into that trap, but I am not that person anymore and I never will be again. I cannot change the past, and I am not going to linger there either.
Benjamin Franklin said, “Most men die at 25, we just don’t bury them until they are 70.”
I have a long, happy, and successful life ahead of me. So do you.
I continue to be blessed every day of my life, and I will continue to give back to my fellow humans so they can learn from the mistakes I have made. After all, sharing our collective knowledge makes us all better.
This is my rebirth at age 52 and I am just getting started.
Go out and conquer your MONDAY. Stay tuned for more great episodes on The CJ Evolution Podcast